My Old Body

I will be the 1st to admit that my body has changed a lot since the birth of my beloved Kiara. I gained almost 50 pounds during my pregnancy with her. I can't totally blame my 9 lb 11 oz bouncing baby girl for all that weight I gained. My husband seems to recall my love for French Silk pie at the end of the pregnancy and swears I ate pie at least once a week for a couple of months. Amazingly I lost all that weight by my 6 week check up. My body wasn't the same shape, but the bulk was gone. Unfortunately, I gained about 30 pounds back in the 2 + years between Kiara and getting pregnant with Lenin. Some of you won't believe this, but before I got pregnant with Lenin I weighed 211 pounds. I know I'm tall and have a large build, but no woman wants to weigh over 200 pounds.

I hated my body after I gained that weight. I felt uncomfortable, ugly, fat, overall unattractive. For most of my life I've judged myself in how I appeared to others and appearing "fat" didn't sit well with my self esteem. I became depressed during this time and felt my good-looking days of youth were gone. During my pregnancy with Lenin I tried to eat better and started walking and it really helped. I gained about 27 pounds in that pregnancy but I felt good. I've now lost a little over 30 pounds, mostly from breastfeeding. I'm a couple pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm feeling so good. My body actually looks better than before I got pregnant with Lenin minus the stretch marks and with the addition of breastfeeding boobs.

I know I shouldn't judge myself on how I look on the outside, but who can honestly say that your weight doesn't matter. I was used to getting attention for being skinny and it's hard to get ignored for being chubby. Before I got pregnant, my biggest fear was becoming a frazzled, overweight mom and I was becoming just that. I don't want to fall back on bad habits. Brian and I have been adding more fresh fruits and vegetables to our meals and I'm trying to cut out my love for pop. At my house, I'm known for always having a large glass of water to drink but sometimes I want a nice, cold, caffeinated and carbonated beverage to drink. I love Dr. Pepper, Cherry Coke, and Wild Cherry Pepsi. I know however these items are empty sugar calories and no good for a mom who wants to keep her figure. I also know I tend to be an emotional eater and feel fast food will make me happy when I am stressed and with 4 kids that's about all the time! So wish me luck in my endeavor to get back my post-wedding, pre-pregnancy body. I don't want to stop eating or became a Posh Spice look-a-like, I just want a glimpse of my old body back.

P.S. Enjoy my picture from college.